I was sitting with a friend talking the other day. We’ve known each other since childhood. It’s the kind of friendship that finds you sitting in the park chatting only to be interrupted by a text from her husband wondering if she’s ok. Why? Because we had been there for five hours!
She’s one of a handful of people in my life who always speaks truth to me and I to her. She has known me longer than anyone else in my life except for my father. She knows my history. She knows my trauma. She knows my joy. She “gets me” and I “get her.” She’s the person who will laugh with me at something no one else thinks is funny. And on this Sunday afternoon, I was reminded how very alike we are.
She is a driven, type A personality who is always striving to do her best. To give her all. To step in and pick up the pieces. And she does this to the detriment of her own well-being. I’ve been down this road. I’ve worked the 60-hour weeks when I’m paid for 40. I’ve cleaned up the messes left by co-workers. I’ve finished the projects that were left undone. I’ve been the employee who everyone goes to for “help” when so and so is just so overwhelmed and can’t get it all done. During my consulting career, I’d refer to it as the “star employee syndrome.” The employee who every manager relies on – often unfairly – to do the work of others who are capable but unwilling. The employee who, because of their character and work ethic, always says yes. The employee who makes the company look good when management refuses to manage.
As she sat across the table from me recounting a familiar story, I knew God’s heart was aching for her to change. This isn’t the first time we’ve talked about this, but I knew this time was different. God’s urging was so strong. As I listened to her, I finally asked, “What is in this for you?” Because friends, there is always a motivation that benefits us or meets a need we have (conscious or unconscious). And until we uncover that, we chase symptoms rather than solve problems. As I suspected, her driver was the same as mine had been. We don’t want to let anyone down. We want people to know they can rely on us. We want to matter. We want to be valued. And we make the mistake of thinking that could be found in a job.
Our value doesn’t lie in worldly possessions, titles, or accolades. It is firmly and solely rooted in the truth of the Father. We are His. And, in Him, we are enough. We are valued beyond measure. We are loved beyond comprehension. We matter. But until we believe that for ourselves, we will have conversation after conversation about how the situation needs to change. It won’t change, however, until we acknowledge the ache that is driving the behavior and stop hiding behind self-congratulatory lies.
Of course, my first instinct was to tell her to pray. Which is good advice right? Yes. It is always good to bring everything to the Lord in prayer. I pray all day, about all kinds of things big and small. But sometimes we use prayer as an out. I’m guilty of this still; even though I am more aware of it. We pray for God to change our coworkers. We pray for God to make our manager hold them accountable. We pray for God to fix a situation that He has fully equipped us to fix ourselves. We use God to handle uncomfortable situations rather than the impossible ones.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t pray. Don’t misunderstand. But Matthew 25:23 doesn’t say, “Well prayed good and faithful servant.” It says, “Well done good and faithful servant.” We ask God to do what we can do ourselves, what He has equipped us to do. And we wonder, then, why God doesn’t respond. Perhaps it is because God won’t do for us what we can do for ourselves. When my daughter was a baby, I fed her because she couldn’t feed herself. My job was to teach and equip her to feed herself. When she could, I stopped feeding her. It is no different with God. “He isn’t honored by prayers that are within the realm of human possibility. God is honored when we ask Him to do what is human impossible. That way, God gets all the glory!” 1
Praying can sometimes become a form of procrastination. Saying, “I’m praying on it.” gives us an excuse for inaction. It transfers responsibility from us to God. “We can’t just pray like it depends on God; we must also work like it depends on us.” 1
Prayer without action is lazy. Prayer without using the natural abilities God has given you is disobedient. Prayer isn’t intended to get us out of an uncomfortable situation. It isn’t intended to be a one-sided litany of requests. Rather, when facing challenging situations – not impossible ones – we should be praying for God to show us what we should be doing. To give us the courage to take the first step. And the second. And the third, until we’ve climbed the staircase that previous looked so daunting and unattainable.
I encouraged my friend to make one change, just one. Go into work later. Leave on time. Say no to extra work. Pick one. Do that for a month. Then pick another. But do something. And sometimes, that means doing it scared. But I know for certain, the God who equipped me and is equipping her, will bring resolution.
Stop asking God to do what your capable of. He’s busy doing the impossible.
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I knew the topic of this week’s blog Sunday. But God, in His infinite wisdom and grace reinforced His words over and over in the following days. In fact, several of today’s thoughts were prompted by and taken from Draw the Circle by Mark Batterson. I have included this in My Favorite Things list on www.simplyjoy.online. I encourage you to read this life-changing devotional on prayer.
1(Draw the Circle, The 40-Day Prayer Challenge)
Prayer without action is lazy. Prayer is action. Intercessory prayer is sometimes the only “action” one can take in other’s situations. In global situations larger than any of us, prayer is action.
When baffled as to what to do, prayer is action.
Val I believe prayer is powerful and the act of praying is certainly doing something. But what I was writing about was the type of prayer where we run to God instead of taking action that we can be doing on our own. Actions that we have prayed about and know that God wants us to take. Intercessory prayer is incredibly powerful. I just truly believe that at times we use prayer as an out because we don’t want to take the action that is uncomfortable.