What does it mean to be a Christian? The word “Christian” comes from a Greek word meaning “little Christ.” Specifically, it means people who choose to believe in and obey Jesus’ teachings, and who strive to live as He did. We are people who love Jesus, recognize His sacrifice for us, and desire to live for him and help others to know Him. Christian does not, however, mean perfect.
I know what you’re thinking: “Jesus is the only perfect one. We all know that!” I agree that we know that “intellectually.” But too often, the connection between what we know to be true in our mind short circuits as it travels to how we live and how we view ourselves as Christians. We know that we are sinners by our very nature. We also know that when we confess, with a sincere heart and repent, we are forgiven. The original Greek word for “repent” means to “change one’s mind, attitude and purpose. It carries at its root the sense of pain – as Christians, when we sin, it causes us remorse. Repenting from sin isn’t just an academic change of mind but a heartfelt transformation away from sin. But here’s the kicker – sometimes, we sincerely repent only to go out and repeat the same sin over and over again.
So, we must be a bad Christian, right? I have labeled myself that so many times in my spiritual journey. Because I fall short so often. I repeat the same mistakes. Even as I grow in my faith, I still trip over the same rocks of sin: impatience, anger, judgement, or some version of them. When I behave in a way that I know doesn’t represent Jesus’ love, I am prone to beat myself up and pass judgement on my inability to be a “better Christian.” There is no judgement as strong as that I place on myself.
And satan loves it. His language is lies. Jesus said of satan, “When he lies, he speaks his native language.” (John 8:44). Some of his favorite lies may be familiar to you. You aren’t good enough. You aren’t worthy. You are a failure. You are a bad Christian. If you really loved Jesus, you wouldn’t keep making the same mistakes over and over again. If you were a good Christian, it would be easy not to sin. If you were a good Christian, you’d never deny Jesus outright or in your heart by your words or your actions.
Brothers and sisters in Christ, you aren’t the first to fight this battle and you won’t be the last. The enemy is relentless and what better weapon than to discredit you as a Christian; to make you give up? To think that you aren’t worthy of being used by God because you failed Jesus?
Let me introduce you to Peter. Once called Simon, little is known about Peter before he met Jesus, other than he was living and working as a fisherman in Capernaum with his brother Andrew. Peter and Andrew were two of Jesus’ first Apostles. (While the Twelve Apostles were disciples – literally “learners – not all of Jesus’s disciples were a part of the Twelve Apostles.)
Peter was impulsive and often acted before thinking. He was fearful and also could show outbursts of anger. Peter was also loyal, loving, and determined. Peter was the disciple who stepped out of the boat into stormy waters walking toward Jesus. He began to sink after failing to trust in Jesus, but Jesus caught him. (Matt: 14:22-33). He was one of the first to recognize Jesus as the Son of God, “You are the Christ.” (Mark 8:29). Peter was one of Jesus’ closest friends.
Despite all of this, Peter is maybe best known for denying any association with Jesus after Jesus’ arrest. Standing in the courtyard of the palace where Jesus had been taken, Peter denies knowing Jesus not once. Not twice. But three times. I cannot imagine the agony in Peter’s heart when he denied Jesus that last time and the rooster crowed, fulfilling Jesus’ prediction. Peter – Jesus’ close friend. Peter – Jesus’ Apostle. Peter – witness to miracles. Peter – a sinner.
While this is the best known sin of Peter, I am certain it was just one of many. One of the many rocks that Peter kicked along his journey, tripping over and over again. It would be so easy to think that after this betrayal, Peter was done. God would never be able to use him. If anyone was a bad Christian, it had to be Peter.
Oh, but how wrong you would be. Because of God’s amazing grace, Peter’s story doesn’t end there. When Jesus resurrected from the dead, He said in Mark 16:7, “But go your way, tell his disciples and Peter (emphasis mine) that he goes before you into Galilee: there shall ye see him, as he said unto you.” Jesus specifically mentioned Peter. The Bible doesn’t tell us why he singled out Peter, but I think it is because Jesus’ knew how grieved Peter was at his betrayal and in love and compassion, Jesus wanted Peter to know that He had risen as promised. He wanted to comfort His friend. In John, Chapter 21, Jesus appeared to His disciples in his resurrected form. He gets to see Peter and one might expect it would be an awkward reunion. Would Jesus be angry? Would Peter be able to face Jesus? The answer is found in verses 15-17. After sharing a meal with His disciples, Jesus asks Peter – three times – if he loves Him. Once for each betrayal by Peter only days earlier. It’s almost like with each question, Jesus forgives each denial.
There is an interesting contrast when you look at the Greek words for “love” used in this passage. When Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me?” in John 21:15–16, He used the Greek word agape, which refers to unconditional love. Agape love involves faithfulness, commitment, and an act of the will. Both times, Peter responded with “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” But Peter uses the Greek word phileo, which refers to a brotherly/friendship type of love for another person. Jesus is trying to get Peter to understand that he must love Jesus unconditionally in order to be the leader God is calling him to be. The third time Jesus asks, “Do you love me?” in John 21:17, He uses the word phileo, and Peter again responds with “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you,” again using phileo. Jesus is trying to get Peter to move from brotherly love to unconditional love with His first two questions. But He chooses brotherly love in his third question. Why? Maybe to reassure Peter that they remain bonded by friendship and brotherly love, and Peter’s betrayal is forgiven.
I wonder if Peter didn’t feel worthy of agape love? I don’t know. I just know that I can relate to Peter. I love Jesus with all my heart and soul and mind. And yet all three betray that love over and over again. And each time, Jesus saves me with His agape love. Each time He reminds me that I will never be perfect. He knows the mistakes I will make before they enter my mind. And He knows that when I repent, He will forgive me, and those mistakes will be erased from my record. So why do I hold onto them? Why do I beat myself up for my mistakes when the one who was beaten for me has forgiven them?
If I believe I am a bad Christian, then I may not allow myself to be used by God. I may think I’m unworthy. Despite knowing the unlikely people God uses over and over in the Bible, I will still look at myself with disappointment and speak those words that satan loves to hear: “I can’t make a difference for Jesus.. I am bad Christian.” Yet Peter is used by God to build the church. This “bad Christian” brought the Gospel to immeasurable numbers of people. This flawed, sinful man was used. And God can use you and me – if we are willing.
There aren’t bad Christians. There are people who make bad choices. And there is a mighty, relentless, loving God who says, “You are enough!” “You are just as I created you to be.” “You can and will be used, even when you trip over sin.” Because Jesus outstretched His arms, God’s arms are always open. Because you were on Jesus heart when He took His last breath, your heart is a worthy home for Jesus and Holy Spirit. We are Christians. We are on a journey. We have a Savior who died and lives that we may come to know Him and serve Him. Labels are satan’s lies. The Truth is Jesus Christ who loves us with an agape love that forgives all our transgressions, covers our sin, and finds opportunity and ministry in our mistakes. No matter how many rocks we trip on.
What are those sins you repeat over and over? What do you tell yourself about them? I encourage you this week to tell yourself that you are forgiven and worthy. And that you are loved with agape love from the Father who created you for mighty things in His name.