Owning Up

Six days ago, I posted this on my Facebook page.  “I want to thank God for giving me life. For gifting me with talents to use for His glory. As I embark on a new year, my goal is to be fierce about my faith! To share Jesus with courage and boldness. To dive deeper into His word that I might better understand the depth and width of His love. I will not back down from speaking the truth of God’s word. Even if it makes someone uncomfortable. Even if it is politically incorrect. God’s word is always true. I will love people. But I will not excuse sin for the sake of comfort. I will speak in love, but I will speak truth. I pray that next year I can say I am a better person. A stronger Christian. And a light in darkness.”

And just two days after I posted that, I found myself in a situation where I dumped a bucket of cold water on the fire of Jesus.  So much for my declaration.  So much for being light in the darkness.  I was the darkness.

We traveled out of state for the weekend.  We arrived at the hotel, and I went to check in.  I handed them my husband’s credit card to guarantee the room and incidentals.  The young woman looked at it, and seeing my husband’s name, asked me if he was with me.  I told her he was waiting in the car.  She responded that she couldn’t run his credit card without him being present.  We have stayed at this hotel more than 25 times in the last three years.  I have never had this happen; previously, the person just asked me to put my card in the machine and we were good to go.

Rather than showing kindness and understanding, I got a bit irritated.  I explained this had never been asked of me before and I didn’t understand why the inconsistency.  You see, I felt very inconvenienced. I don’t like feeling inconvenienced.  And I don’t do well with inconsistently applied policies – even when they make good sense.  So, in a huff I walked purposefully to the door, got my husband, walked purposefully back to the desk, and declared, “They won’t accept the card without you standing here.”  Oh, what a beautiful vision of a daughter of God.  Can you see the light shining?  Yeah, neither could she.

As we were riding up in the elevator my heart became so very heavy. I knew what I did was not acceptable. We had to get changed quickly for an evening event and as I got ready, I knew what I needed to do.  We crossed the hotel lobby on our way out and I stopped at the front desk.  I apologized to the young woman.  I told her my behavior was not acceptable and there was no excuse for it.  I told her that her job is difficult enough without someone like me making it harder.  I asked for her forgiveness.  Maybe, just maybe, at that moment, a little light shined through the darkness I created.

That encounter humbled me and reminded me that my walk with Jesus is a daily, hourly, sometimes moment-by-moment battle with my weakened human self.  My selfish self.  My privileged self.  My entitled self.  My hurried self.  And it was a stark reminder that when I declare I am going to grow in Christ and take on the enemy, I better be prepared for battle.  Because the enemy will find my tender, immature places and exploit them to spread darkness.

The word humble is mentioned 81 times in the Bible.  The first appearance is in Genesis and the last in Revelation.  I love that!  From the beginning when God breathed us into existence, to the end when we experience Heaven on earth, humility is interwoven.  “Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5 (NIV).  

Humility is the opposite of pride.  Pride is a weapon of the enemy.  It is a powerful tool in the hands of the one who seeks to kill and destroy.  But hear me, brothers and sisters, it is a weapon the enemy does not possess.  Rather, it is a weapon we provide him.  Read that again.

As I stood at that hotel desk, irritated because things weren’t going my way, I equipped the enemy.  When we close our ears to truth rather than hearing loving instruction, we equip the enemy.  When we boast about our accomplishments or our children, we equip the enemy.  When we take the focus off God and how we are to behave as his children, the enemy rejoices as we fill his quiver with arrows.

The humility asked of us is nothing compared to the humility Jesus exhibited.  Jesus, seated in heaven with the Father and Holy Spirit, could have held onto His position in the Trinity.  He could have viewed Himself as far too superior and holy to become a lowly human.  But He didn’t.  And even more astounding is that He came as a baby.  The most innocent and humble form of humanity.  He grew as a servant of God.  

Jesus is the ultimate example of humility. He did not value His own self-importance or honor, but freely gave it up in every situation so that God’s will could be carried out and God could be glorified through His life.  Jesus humbled himself, being obedient to the point of an agonizing death on the cross.  A willing sacrifice for people like me who would forget the gift of humility in a moment of inconvenience.

God has equipped us all with magnificent gifts that can bring glory and honor to Him.  Gifts that can shine light into darkness.  Lead souls to the life-saving truth of Jesus Christ.  But without humility, we risk being the enemy’s ammunition.  

God convicted me that day at the hotel.  I was embarrassed by the way I acted.  And I was deeply saddened because I wasn’t living the life I was called to live as a child of God.  I felt (and still do when I recall it) an ache in my stomach and a sadness in my heart.  My confession has led to His forgiveness.  And my apology led to forgiveness from a gracious young woman.  This experience reminded me that my journey won’t be easy.  There is a real enemy who knows my weaknesses and will use them to separate me from God’s desires for my life.  We must be vigilant.  We must be honest.  And we must cover ourselves in the armor of God and trust that the love and power of the Father will always overcome darkness.  

But above all else, we must be humble.  Remembering always that the love of Jesus is a privilege and gift to share.  One that deserves to be bathed in light.

Think about times when you have struggled with humility.  Ask God for forgiveness and guidance so that you can grow in humility.