Dreary and Sunny

Sounds like an oxymoron, right?  It can’t be both dreary and sunny at the same time.  When you think dreary, you think rainy or overcast.  Sunny – even with cold temperatures – usually makes you think of bright days and blue skies.  If it’s sunny, it can’t be dreary.  And if it’s dreary, it can’t be sunny.  They are mutually exclusive.   

And here lies the problem.  I tend to apply this same logic to my emotions.  And ‘ll bet a lot of you do as well.  Emotions are not bad.  “Being emotional” isn’t wrong.  Emotions are woven into our very being.  We are created in the image of God.  We have emotions because God and Jesus do.  The problem isn’t in having emotions, but rather how we understand them and manage them.  And to whom we give their power.

My daughter returns to college for her sophomore year in just a few days.  I’ve come a long way since last year when I started crying daily (sometimes multiple times a day) for a month before she left.  I was overcome with sadness and the anticipation of how much I would miss her and how different my life would be.  It was a difficult time but a season of tremendous growth – for both of us. 

This year I am feeling a mix of what seems like conflicting emotions.  That dreary vs. sunny syndrome.  Yes, I’m sad our summer is over, and I won’t hear her voice in the house, or see her shoes lying in the foyer.  I’ll miss the talks in the car as we go to breakfast or shopping.  I’ll miss cooking for one more.  I am sad.

And I am excited!  I know what to expect.  I know how much fun we’ll have at football games and Parent’s weekend.  I know that she’ll be home before I know it for fall and winter breaks.  I know that she has wonderful plans for the year and she’s excited for this next chapter.  I am truly looking forward to stepping on that campus and moving her into her sophomore year.

But here’s my conundrum.  I have always assumed I could not possibly feel conflicting emotions at the same time.  If I am excited, it must mean I don’t love her as much as I should.  What mom would be happy to send her child away for nine months?  If I’m not excited, what kind of mom am I that I wouldn’t want my child to live out her dreams?  I should be happy for her.  

I engage in a war against myself in which I give my emotions to the enemy, not to God.  The enemy will always use whatever you make available to separate you from God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  In my case, and perhaps yours, it is self-judgment and condemnation.  The enemy preys on my emotions through doubt and fear, using them as weapons against me.

1 Peter 5:6-10 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the might hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.  Be sober-minded, be watchful.  Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.  Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.  And, after you have suffered a little while, the God of grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Chris, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”

The lion – when referring to the devil – is the symbol for one who is ruthless, stealthy, powerfully aggressive, bent on defending its turf, and destruction, often working from ambush.   And this is what the enemy does – he waits for us to expose a weakness, and then he ambushes us.  But notice, the scripture says, “whom he may devour.”  It does not say whom he will.  Remember in elementary school when you asked your teacher, “Can I go to the bathroom?” and he replied, “I don’t know can you?  Or did you mean may I?”  May indicates permission. The enemy certainly has the power to devour us spiritually, but only if we give him permission. 

In the scripture, “be sober” might be translated as, “keep cool” or “don’t be afraid” or “don’t get angry” or “don’t judge yourself.”  I think the best  translation is to “Rest in Jesus.”  Trust Him to take up the battle.  Be vigilant in prayer.  Be vigilant in knowing scripture to defend against attacks.  Be vigilant in knowing Jesus intimately.

We are complex beings made to feel all that this life has to offer us and to learn from it.  To grow closer to Jesus and to trust Holy Spirit to always bring us home to the Father.  In the spiritual world, we can be dreary and sunny.  We can embrace both emotions knowing that our hearts beat for those we love as the Father’s beats for ours. 

I’m learning, by talking to Jesus and asking for revelation, that emotions do not define me, nor do they condemn me.  They simply give me the opportunity to experience life as God created it for me.  I have the choice of what I do with those emotions.  I have the choice to invite the enemy into my mind and heart and arm him for battle against my very being.  Or I can invite Jesus in.  Share my joy.  Share my fears.  Share my dreary and share my sunny.  Trusting that all I have, am, and will feel, He has already felt.  He not only died on the cross to save me.  He lived and felt, that I may know how to live and feel.

I don’t know what you may be facing today as you read this.  But God does.  I don’t know if you are dreary or sunny.  But God does.  I don’t know if you have battling emotions that have you exhausted or confused.  But God does.  And He wants you to know that you are His child.  His arms are open.  His shoulder is ready.  He understands.  You are free to feel.  You are free to run laughing in the rain!  You are free to cry in the sunshine.  You are free to feel because you are freely a child a God.

Love yourself as He loves you.  Accept yourself as He accept you.  Live a life that embraces the gift of emotion knowing you share this gift with your Creator.

I encourage you this week to show yourself grace and to embrace the beautiful gift of emotion.

This week’s prayer is available at https://simplyjoy.online/prayers/its-ok-to-feel/