Think about your friends. Where did you meet? What do you have in common? Whether we realize it or not, our friends are situational.
For me, some of my dearest friends are the result of coaching cheerleading for eight years. You spend four nights a week, plus all day Saturday together beginning in the heat of June and ending in the cold of late November, trust me, you develop a special bond and a special sense of humor!
Other friends came to me through my faith and church. We share a bond over our love for Jesus and an honesty that demands that we hold one another accountable in love. We encourage one another and remind one another of God’s faithfulness when we are in the valley, and we celebrate from our mountaintop.
Some friends we meet through work, hobbies, parents’ groups. Some friendships are deep. And some are casual. All have a place in our lives. Some remain for a season, and some a lifetime. But all teach us something. Perhaps God has placed you in someone’s life to bless them or guide them. Perhaps He is showing you something you need to change or an area in which you need to grow.
The Bible is no stranger to friendships. It goes back to the very beginning. At each step of creating the world, God said that everything was “good.” Until he created Adam. Rather than saying, “it is good,” God said, “It is not good that man should be alone (Genesis 2:18). Adams wasn’t complete; he needed community. A friend.
The definition of true friendship is given to us by Jesus: “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:13-15). Jesus not only listened, he shared. What he learned from the Father, He shared with those he called His friends.
Of all the friendships in the Bible, that of David and Jonathan stands out. 1 Samuel 18 describes their friendship: “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” This is the essence of friendship, to love another as you love yourself.
Deep abiding friendships require time and effort. Trust is built through companionship, honesty, and vulnerability. The “only she’ll get this” type of friendship is a precious gift. It is an investment that transforms a situational friend into family.
Let’s get honest. Too often, we make Jesus a situational friend. We like him hanging around when we need something. We have time for Him when we want to talk about our fears or hurts. We forget to thank Him for his everyday faithfulness. We don’t turn to Him first – we call one of our close friends and pour out our anger or sadness; or we confide in a family member or maybe our therapist. Some even take it to social media before they take it to Jesus. None of that is bad (well except for social media!). But it is out of order. We need Jesus first.
We don’t think of Jesus like He thinks of us. He thinks of us always; even when we don’t engage Him. He never leaves us even though we cast Him aside in exchange for unproductive whining and justification. We compartmentalize Him for convenience. I learned this thanks to truth being spoken to me by one of my sisters in Christ who is family to me. She has been a Christian longer than I and has always been someone whose faith I admired. We met almost 19 years ago through a church Bible study. We connected immediately. It was and is the type of friendship where I feel safe to be my true self, even when it is ugly and unflattering. We were riding in my car, and I was telling her how I made some negative comment to myself about someone I saw. After I said it, I felt bad and asked Jesus for forgiveness. I shared this with my friend, feeling proud for humbling myself before the Lord. I said to her, “I thought to myself, would I have said that if Jesus was sitting in the car with me?” Without missing a beat, she looked at me with truth and love and said, “And, He wasn’t?”
Drop the mike. At that moment, a stake was driven into the ground of my shaky and immature faith. I had been fitting Jesus into my life where it felt comfortable. I didn’t have a friendship with my savior. I had a situational friend to whom I’d cry or complain. Back then, I didn’t even do a good and consistent job of thanking Him for the blessings He poured into me. I prayed. But we didn’t communicate. I treated my relationship with Jesus like I was ordering take out. More concerned with the end result than developing a friendship with the one who had laid down His life for me. More concerned with using him as a whipping post for my disappointments and hurts than honoring the man who was whipped beyond recognition for my sins. I reached out based on my situation. He reached out his arms on a cross because he loves me and wants to be my friend.
God sent Jesus to earth to restore our relationship with our heavenly Father. It was so important to Him that He sacrificed his son to suffer and die a death that He didn’t deserve. A death we all deserve.
Remember John 15:13-15.? It takes place the night before Jesus died. He was explaining the meaning of the cross to his disciples. Yes, it was an act of atonement for the sins of mankind. But it was also a very personal act of friendship. Jesus’ death on the cross expressed his deep love for us. His friends.
Jesus is our friend in every situation. In every moment. In every valley. On every mountaintop. He desires your company. You don’t need fancy words or a deep Biblical understanding to be with Jesus. You just need to talk. Like you talk to the friends you’ve coached cheerleading with or the friend who convicts you with three simple words. Make him your “go to friend.” The one you cling to first. The one you can’t wait to thank and share joy. Laugh with Jesus. Cry with Jesus. Lament to Jesus. But most of all love Jesus. In every situation.
Have you relegated Jesus to a situational friend? What can you do to deepen your relationship with Jesus?
Excellent & insightful words! Makes one think about what kind of relationship we should & need to have with Jesus.